Bio
Name: Daniel Robert Lance Big Plume
Nickname: Saturnyne
Birthday: May 3, 1980
Age: 26
Sun Sign: Taurus
Moon Sign: Sagittarius
Chinese Zodiac: Monkey (Born)
Height: 170 cm
Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Brown
Status: Single
Favorites
Color: Blue
Food: Chicken
Animal: Cat
Anime: Sailormoon
Show: CSI
PJ's: Sweatpants/ T-shirt
Pokemon: Porygon
Website: NHB Radio
My Linux Desktop
Current Moods
Song: Dog's A Best Friend's Dog
Links
Official Sins Of Science Homepage
Space-Kitten.Org
Wing Commander CIC
Tears For Fears
Contact
Email: saturnyne1d@netscape.net
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Friday, March 22, 2002
11:56 PM Again my mood has swung today... and while I'm feeling okay now, I hit quite a low point earlier today. Sadly, it ended up upsetting Jaymie, but true to our fashion, we talked it out, and while things aren't fixed, they don't hurt as much. Today was about personal victories though. While I was still in bed, I heard Jaymie and her dad talking about her needing to go somewhere. Before that, her dad had been doing some housework. Sensing that her dad was going to give her the standard "do more around the house" bitching out that he constantly gives, I took it upon myself to rob him of that. So, I took away a reason why he could bitch her out - I did the dishes. At least in that way, if he did yell at her or whatever, I'd have that personal victory by robbing him of a reason for yelling at her, and in the process, make him look like a fool. My second victory came while I was searching Jaymie's room for something she's lost. I've had a strong compulsion to find it, and while I haven't yet, I did find a heart pendant that I got her a long time ago for one of our anniversaries. It was just a cheapo chain and pendant from a jewelry store (the gems on it were glued on, for example), but I guess Jaymie had lost it, and she was really happy to have it back. While that was certainly an excellent find (more for Jaymie's reaction than anything else), what I'm actually looking for remains to be found. I'll keep looking. I took more pictures of Resident Evil today too. I love being scared. It was kind of cool to be startled by Jaymie opening the door. Heh... I'm probably the only person who can say "Hey, I was scared when my best friend opened the door!". I'm such a loser. I kind of made a "patch" for Resident Evil 1 for the PC. It's way too big to download though. It's only a couple hundred megs. heh... as such, when Jaymie's ready to burn her CD, I'll make a "Resident Evil PC Patch CD". Or, I'll make a "patch" .RAR file or something, and include it on the CD(s?) I plan on burning myself. I kicked Buffalo out of the playoffs, and am now thinking of decimating Dallas, who actually swept their series against Colorado. What's more, I'm injured. For two weeks with a strained trapezius. Anyone out there know what a strained trapezius is? Stupid Buffalo Sabres injured two of my other players. I'm missing me, Kevin Hatcher and Alexei Morozov. Oh well, I've already won the first game of the series. Many thanks to Jaymie for her solid goaltending. Jaymie, I love you.
Thursday, March 21, 2002 8:29 PM My mood has swung quite a bit today. At this point, I'm in a surprisingly good mood. And this is after I barely squeaked two wins by the Buffalo Sabres. Right now, my mood is slightly spoiled - 'he' is online on Jaymie's ICQ. Why I don't change to mine, I don't know. Maybe because my ICQ list is a lonely one, and I'd have no one to talk to. At least looking at Jaymie's makes it look like there are people out there. But, it's not doing that much to spoil my mood, and I'm sure that things are more innocuous than I think. Of course, it's damn near impossible to think that it is, but that's my thing. Today, I did some Faery Oracle stuff. It's odd, because it was a self reading, and it was accurate. And yet, it's not odd because I was expecting it. Oh well. ... get offline! She's at school now! I plan on playing more Resident Evil tonight. I didn't know that Chris' game through it was so hard. I ran out of ammo less than an hour into playing. Oh well. I don't have the experience with Resident Evil 1 that I do with 2 and 3. I just got it recently, and I've only played the Playstation version. And since the Playstation version isn't mine in ownership, I don't count it as having had it. The game is more enjoyable since I was able to find the shotgun. So many zombies have gone headless since then. And it's made better since I've been able to find more shotgun bullets. Resident Evil 1 is very odd, but then so is the mansion it takes place in. When the producer, Shinji Mikami, first did Resident Evil (Called Biohazard in Japan), he had no idea it would become the hit it did. Without a planned sequel, and focusing more on horror and scares than story, Resident Evil needed a sequel, which was of course, Resident Evil 2. Resident Evil 2 was born, of course. It features two new characters, a host of antagonists, and more story than the first game. In fact, the loads of story contained in Resident Evil 2 bring to mind an almost X-Files-ish archetype; a company experimenting with virus research is covertly developing bio weapons to destroy the world. Conspiracies are abound of course, as betrayal from with the company is shown in the game. It was still quite scary, but had a great deal more story than the first game. Resident Evil 3 is the first of the Resident Evil titles to sport only one main character. And that main character was one of the choice from Resident Evil 1. Sporting new controls, even more conspiracy and a well dressed and well-proportioned heroine, Resident Evil 3 remains my favorite to date. What are the games about, you ask? Well, if you've read this far, I've either made this interesting to you, or you're slowly becoming a Resident Evil fan. Go to A New Blood or Survivhor.com to see pictures and such. Resident Evil sports two main characters to choose from, Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine. You can choose which character's story to play through, though neither story is related to each other. It's more like the game contains two different continuities, asking two different questions - "What if Jill was the main character?" and "What if Chris was the main character?". The opening story is that a Special Tactics and Rescue Squad (S.T.A.R.S.) with the police department of Raccoon City has hit a crisis. They've been hearing about vicious attacks where people are being killed, and in some cases, eaten. The S.T.A.R.S. Bravo team is sent to investigate, but their helicopter crashes. Soon after, the S.T.A.R.S. Alpha team, consisting of Chris Redfield, Jill Valentine, Barry Burton, Albert Wesker, Joseph Frost and Brad Vickers goes in to investigate and hopefully find their lost team mates. They find the helicopter, but it's empty. As the S.T.A.R.S continue looking for clues, Joseph finds a disembodied hand, clutching a gun. His startled yell alerts some strange dog-like creatures hiding in the shadows. Suddenly, Joseph is swarmed by the creatures, and despite his best efforts, he is killed. The rest of the S.T.A.R.S. members run for it, happening upon a huge and very strange mansion. Taking cover inside, that's where their adventure begins. The scenario begins differently depending on who you choose. Jill's scenario starts with Jill, Barry and Wesker in the mansion's front hall, wondering where Chris is. Chris' starts out with Chris, Jill and Wesker in the front hall. In the progression of the game, the characters find that a company called Umbrella Inc. is the force behind the strange zombie-like creatures, and that someone in S.T.A.R.S. isn't who they seem to be. Resident Evil 2 takes place within Raccoon City, more noteably the Raccoon Police Department, the sewers beneath them, and a secret lab. This game features Claire Redfield (Chris' sister), and Leon Kennedy. Claire is a motorbiking college girl who is searching for her brother, while Leon is a new recruit for the Raccoon Police, brought in to help quell worries about the strange creatures appearing around Raccoon City. Each drives into town, and are suddenly attacked by zombies. Leon and Claire end up meeting and retreat in a police car. They introduce themselves, and suddenly Leon, the driver, is attacked by a hidden zombie from the back of the car. The car crashes into a lamp post, but because Claire and Leon are buckled in, they survive. The zombie takes a short flight. Meanwhile, a trucker has been hauling his load through Raccoon, and mistakes a zombie for a regular guy. The zombie's bite has injured the man greatly, and he happens to be barreling down the street at Leon and Claire. As the trucker dies, the huge tanker he's driving smashes into the car, and tips over, exploding in a ball of flame. Leon and Claire manage to escape of course, and each must make their separate ways to the Raccoon Police Department. Resident Evil 2 has a unique game play system. Unlike Resident Evil 1, the story of one character influences the story of the other. The game comes on two CD's (One for Claire, one for Leon), and there are two ways to start the game. You can start the Claire A/ Leon B scenario, or the Leon A/ Claire B scenario. As is easy to guess, each A scenario affects its respective B scenario. Ah, just pretend you understand. Anyway, the game focuses on the stories of the T-Virus, and the G-Virus, two of Umbrella's secret projects and ultimate weapons. However, a scientist was the actual owner and creator of the G-Virus, and he was not about to give it up to Umbrella... Resident Evil 3 is my favorite. It features Jill Valentine again, and her attempt to escape from Raccoon City. There's an interesting time line aspect to this game. Resident Evil 3 comes in two parts. Part one occurs one day before the events of Resident Evil 2, and part two takes place one day after the events of Resident Evil 2. To simplify: Resident Evil 2: Leon and Claire's exploits occur on the night of September 29th, into the morning of September 30th. Resident Evil 3: Jill's exploits take place on September 28th. She is then incapacitated for two days, where she awakens on October 1st, and attempts to escape Raccoon City. Along the way, Jill meets a man named Carlos, and his squad of commandoes. Havoc has erupted in Raccoon City, and Umbrella has sent in its own paramilitary to gather combat data of their creatures fighting humans. Among them is a monster code-named Nemesis, which is sent to destroy remaining S.T.A.R.S. members in Raccoon. Brad is killed before Jill's eyes. The other S.T.A.R.S. members are out of the country. Jill finds out that the US government is planning on dropping a nuke on Raccoon, which gives her all the more reason to flee. Yipes, that's a lot of stuff on Resident Evil. I hope that wasn't too boring for you. Thanks for reading it, if you did. If you didn't, I understand, trust me. I love you, Jaymie.
Wednesday, March 20, 2002 11:15 PM I have finally been able to talk to an old friend of mine, zero. I have been comisserating and such, and it's good to hear from a good friend after such a long time. Considering that at the current time, I can't start rebuilding my world without something coming along and decimating it again, this is something of a ray of sunshine. I fear that Jaymie is ready for a relationship with 'him'... and I guess I'll act like I'm happy for them if they happen to get together. It would do no good to sit and mope, huh? I also fear that my mood swings, such as they are, will one day drive Jaymie away. And while our friendship is quite solid, it is still a fear. As such, maybe I should just bury my hurt and act like I'm happy now and forever? What do you, the reader, think? In any case, I'm kind of fortunate to be able to make more than one entry today. The blogger server is usually very congested this time of day. It was a two day wait for me to be able to make that first March 20th entry, because I kept trying to log on while the server was busy. As a side note, I kind of waver between two extremes: "If I keep at it, eventually her love will grow", and "What's the point? I'm not worthy of love. She can't love scum like me". Maybe it's my stubborn nature... but I'm still fighting for her, even in those moments of the latter half. We had to clean the floors today. I came across a steak knife and started staring at it. Cut along, not across kept going through my mind. Cut along, not across, cut along, not across, cut along, not across. I wished for a hypodermic needle. I know two quick and painless ways to commit suicide with a hypodermic needle. As I don't want to be the cause of anyone's self-imposed end to life, I'll not go into detail. I guess it's a good thing Jaymie suddenly said "Dan?", because I probably would have done it. Always the guardian angel... I'm still hoping for a reading tonight. If Jaymie doesn't remember, I guess that means she's either not centered to give one, or it's just not important to her. Enough lamenting for now. I'm exhausted from too much typing. I love you, Jaymie.
3:29 PM For some reason, I'm still alive today. I'm making my blog entry early because I know that if I wait, I'll never get it done. I don't know why I keep fighting for Jaymie. She doesn't love me. And yet, some part of me keeps holding onto the hope that she might. I'm really pathetic, aren't I? It's not like she ever will. When it comes to romance, I don't suppose anyone wants to have much to do with me. They want 'him' like he's the sweetest damn thing that ever existed. Hell, Jaymie wants him like he's the sweetest damn thing that ever existed. I guess I'm just chopped liver. It's really easy to believe what was said in my last entry. It really is. Why shouldn't I? It makes me realize that I am really scared of relationships now. Everyone I ever try to get into a serious relationship with will only cheat on me. It's been a cycle three times over, so what's to stop some other vicious female from repeating history with me? It's not like it's that hard. In any case, I've been kind of selfish lately... I've wanted Jaymie to give me a Fae reading, but it would feel at this point, that it would be given under some sort of duress. She was the one who insisted to her friends, and in that way, it might feel more natural to her than if I insisted I have one. But in any case, I'm really learning what the song "War of Attrition" by Tears For Fears means. Before, I just liked the gloomy lyrics. Now, I think they're starting to apply to me, and my situation. Well, with nothing left to lose, I suppose I'll just take whatever future jobs I can and focus on keeping food on the table. At least in that way, I'm taking care of myself like I'm so obliged to. Dreams can't always come true. I love you, Jaymie.
4:31 AM You were never worthy. All this time, you've been decieving yourself, and allowing women to decieve you. You stupid piece of shit. You were NEVER worthy! No one wants you. You aren't worth being faithful to. Remember Lynn? Within the first week, she was cheating on you. And Becca? You did her wrong, so you deserved that. And Jaymie? You did her wrong too, and despite your faithfulness in the actual relationship, again, you had it coming. You are 0 - 3. Zero for three. ZERO FOR THREEHow dare you think any woman would ever even think to remain faithful to you? You stupid piece of shit. Yes, master... I'll keep listening to you... you're always the one who's right, aren't you? I guess I'll be alone now... I love you, Jaymie.
Sunday, March 17, 2002 3:32 PM Today, I'm just kind of... 'there'. I do feel better about certain things, though there are things that pain me greatly. In some ways, I feel I have been replaced. And yet, in those same ways, I'm told I cannot be replaced. It's confusing, and I don't have the wisdom to evaluate this paradox. At least, it seems like a paradox. I have enlisted myself most proudly and enthusiastically as Jaymie's 'guiding light'. I have all sorts of motives for this, the greatest of which is helping Jaymie sort out the confusion that is herself. Other motives, including holding out for certain hopes, are a close second, but being a guide in every way I can is the most important for me right now. I love Jaymie, despite the difference between her feelings for me and 'him', and I want to be there for her as her friend, kindred, and guide. I am most proud to call myself all of those things, even if fate takes a worse turn and never allows for the roles of boyfriend, fiance, and husband. I want to be the light in the darkness. The guiding North Star. I want, in some way, to be hers. As for taking care of myself, taking care of Jaymie in these ways is what is helping me. In many ways, I need her company and I need her support too, but I am taking solace in the idea that I would be the one she could turn to at any moment, 24/7 for the guidance she needs. Of course, she still talks to her friends about her problems and stuff, which kind of makes me feel odd for some reason, but I hope to be able to offer my own guidance that they can't. Anyway, today I've just been in existence. As such, I just played video games today. I have tons of pictures of Resident Evil 2 that I took. I want to send them to my brother, but he's not been on the last few nights when I was on, and when he was online, Jaymie had the computer. Oh well. I guess if circumstances are right, I'll catch him tonight and send the pics to him. Also if circumstances are right tonight, I'll play Resident Evil 1, which I just got for the PC. I haven't played it yet though, because I was in the middle of Resident Evil 2, and I wanted to finish it first. I like playing horror games because I like to be scared. In a way, I am almost thrilled to be scared by games, because it's kind of exciting to be facing those kinds of fears. Afraid of the boogy man? Play Resident Evil and get stalked by millions of them. Worried about gremlins and creatures that go bump in the night? Play Silent Hill and get stabbed by some. Horror games are a good way to face those fears that can't be faced. If you've ever worried about a monster under your bed, perhaps finding one in Resident Evil and blowing it away in a mess of carnage and gore will be a catharsis for you. Just remember two things: 1) Be alone, and; 2)Play in the dark. They make facing those fears so much more intense and scary. But hey, blood and guts and gore aren't everyone's cup of tea. It's mine though, and I enjoy it with a fresh squeeze of lemon. I love you, Jaymie.
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