Bio
Name: Daniel Robert Lance Big Plume
Nickname: Saturnyne
Birthday: May 3, 1980
Age: 26
Sun Sign: Taurus
Moon Sign: Sagittarius
Chinese Zodiac: Monkey (Born)
Height: 170 cm
Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Brown
Status: Single
Favorites
Color: Blue
Food: Chicken
Animal: Cat
Anime: Sailormoon
Show: CSI
PJ's: Sweatpants/ T-shirt
Pokemon: Porygon
Website: NHB Radio
My Linux Desktop
Current Moods
Song: Dog's A Best Friend's Dog
Links
Official Sins Of Science Homepage
Space-Kitten.Org
Wing Commander CIC
Tears For Fears
Contact
Email: saturnyne1d@netscape.net
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Friday, November 01, 2002
6:28 PM Not much to tell today, as I don't have a lot of time right now. So, I've taken a couple of links off the left there, and my new 'theme' song is up. Also, I've been writing a Sailor Moon story I originally planned 7 years ago. Have a nice day. --EDIT-- Okay, so I have a little more time than I thought. Hmph. I went and saw my psych on Tuesday, and he made me realize something: My feelings towards things actually matter. See, ever since February happened, I've been under the impression that no matter how much I lamented, how much I bitched, moaned and screamed about how badly I felt about things around me, it wouldn't matter. And then people like Alexi, BbP and Tenshi would ream me out for complaining. But see, my psych says differently. He's a cut through the shit sorta guy, and he made me realize that I was just lying to myself. By saying my feelings about Jaymie being with Jay don't matter, I'm saying they don't matter to me. Which is a lie. My feelings on that matter to me a lot. A hell of a lot. It's why I've been depressed since I got here. I thought I had meant that I could express my feelings about situations, but how would that solve them? I could tell Jaymie that I still love and treasure her more than life itself, and that it tears me to pieces every moment when I think of them together. I don't even think I'll be able to talk to her anymore once she moves to Kansas. Anyway, my point is that once you admit to yourself that feelings about certain things bother you, something triggers in your brain. First, the change occurs within yourself. You start to learn to rise above the adversity, and deal with it and go through it. Second, changes can happen in the world around you. If you admit to yourself that your job bothers you, then you may find that you'll end up with a better occupation, simply because you recognized something negative in your life and did something about it. So it's finally time I said it: Jaymie being with Jay bothers me. It bothers me greatly. It's devastating. I hate every soul-sucking minute of it. I have since this whole thing started. I've also hated the idea of her being with anyone else since we started going out. It's very easy for me to say that it doesn't matter how I feel about Jaymie and Jay. I can't expect that Jaymie will realize that she's deeply in love with me and will leave Jay for me. It's unrealistic. It doesn't mean that I don't want it to happen, but it's highly unlikely. As it stands, I'm either better off finding someone else, or just being alone altogether. And sadly, neither of them is a pleasant alternative for me.
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