Bio
Name: Daniel Robert Lance Big Plume
Nickname: Saturnyne
Birthday: May 3, 1980
Age: 26
Sun Sign: Taurus
Moon Sign: Sagittarius
Chinese Zodiac: Monkey (Born)
Height: 170 cm
Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Brown
Status: Single
Favorites
Color: Blue
Food: Chicken
Animal: Cat
Anime: Sailormoon
Show: CSI
PJ's: Sweatpants/ T-shirt
Pokemon: Porygon
Website: NHB Radio
My Linux Desktop
Current Moods
Song: Dog's A Best Friend's Dog
Links
Official Sins Of Science Homepage
Space-Kitten.Org
Wing Commander CIC
Tears For Fears
Contact
Email: saturnyne1d@netscape.net
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Tuesday, November 05, 2002
6:27 PM Today started off kind of wierd. I went to bed at 4 AM because I was watching Sailor Moon. I slept until about 11 or so, then fell back asleep after getting up for a bit. At around 2:30, Dominique called, which was cool. We talked for a while and it was a lot of fun. I wish more people would call me. Dominique and Laura and whoever else out there wants to call me. That would, as they say, "rock the casbah". I'm paranoid. Whenever I read Diana's blog or Alexi's, and they're bitching about someone acting like an idiot, I'm worried that they're talking about me. It's not much of a stretch, mind you, considering how stupid I tend to act in this blog. But perhaps I'm just inventing stuff for them to be mad at me with. On a better note, my brother got a copy of one of the best Playstation games ever, Front Mission 3. It's a game that plays a lot like Shining Force for the Sega Genesis (Most of you would probably equate it best with the battle engine in Final Fantasy Tactics), and you use mechs to battle. You can sheer off arms, irrepairably damage legs, and you can even get pilots to eject and nuke them yourself, capturing the abandoned mech, called a Wanzer. I had tons of fun for 6 hours straight playing that game and building up my characters. In fact, once I'm done with this entry, I do believe I'm going downstairs to play it again. I've also been doing a lot of writing lately. I have finished editing an old Sailor Moon story of mine called Entity of Blue. I'm now in the process of writing the follow-up, The War To Be Won. In it, Crystal Tokyo has been destroyed, and a war is being waged against what remains of the heroes. I'm ready to wrap up the story now though, and will probably be done at about part 14 or 15. Here's my episode list: Part 1: Reunions I'm thinking about putting in a few more episodes before I end the whole thing. Hopefully people like it. At first, I was really proud of it, and I still am, but I worry that people might not think it captures the spirit or purpose of Sailor Moon. I just want this to be recieved as a good story, like Entity of Blue was. The reason why this new story will have about three times the episodes that Entity of Blue had is because there is the ruler-general hierarchy that Beryl had. It's not about one enemy and his or her one cohort, it's the enemy and a whole gang of powerful generals... you know... just like Beryl. Anyway. Okay, I'm going to play Front Mission 3 now. I also need to get off the computer before mom gets home.
Monday, November 04, 2002 4:14 AM I wish I was 15. When I was 15, we lived at this great house in a wonderful neighborhood that had a beautiful view of the city. It was quiet, clear, and I was at my creative zenith. I absolutely loved that house, and I still do. I miss living there a lot lately. I've resolved that I will buy that house for myself once I finally get my life moving. When I was 15, I didn't have the obligation to help put my mom through school as she got her PhD. Our cat Cheetah hadn't died. But most of all, I had never met Jaymie. Sometimes, I think about it and wonder how truly free I really am. Not so much about freedom to do what I want, but the freedom of feeling. The freedom of just being a person who's there to live. Someone surrounded by friends. What am I now? I'm a sorry excuse of a person trying to finish high school and try to make ends meet while his private world comes crashing down around him. Sorry, it's already crashed. My mistake. I went back to that old neighborhood Friday night. I walked around for 4 hours just collecting memories and dusting off lost recollections. I realized just how much has changed in the 7 years since we moved out of there, and just how much I've changed. But what surprised me was how alone I felt. When I was 15, I went home each night at that house, mentally surrounded by friends. They were just a phone call or a short walk away. But Friday night, when I visited that old neighborhood, I was alone. No one was there to me, not physically, mentally, or spiritually. It was like my family and I were in two different worlds. Like I had stepped out of the universe and ceased to exist to everyone. Like I never existed to Jaymie. Like she never existed to me. When she moves to Kansas, I shall say goodbye to her forever. But that's another story. It was an odd feeling as I recalled all these old memories. I remembered things that I missed that I had forgotten about. Changes in the world around me, and the world inside me. At the time, my mom and brother were going through very rough patches in their lives. I was truly and completely happy. The sky was the limit for me. Now, the situations are reversed. My mom and brother have found their own true happiness, and I am having trouble wanting to smile within the course of a week. Whether it's good or bad, I plan on making another trip next Saturday so I can see the old neighborhood in the sunlight. I have so many wonderful memories of that place, and I want the daylight to bring even more of them to me. There's only so much the night can give you. On another note, I'd like to talk about having kids. I was watching this program called "The Pregnancy Stories", which features mothers in different situations of giving birth. It talks about complications, mothers actually having birth, and changes to plans people have to make to accomodate the type of birth they're stuck with. As I watched the show, I realized that I do not want to have children anymore. Ever. I don't want to get married either. And if I'm not working to find a relationship, then it's just not worth it to me to complain about it or think about it. I don't even want to think that I have the potential to be a father. What's worse is that I'd probably end up being my father. My brother has chosen celebacy and he's happy with it. Whether or not I'm celebate for all time, I don't know, but for now, this attitude suits me. No children or marriage. There's this hex that follows me anyway, and women don't want to be with me. So, I guess the universe has pre-ordained this. It's kind of hard to think otherwise. And so, like a dream, I'll fade away for now.
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