Bio
Name: Daniel Robert Lance Big Plume
Nickname: Saturnyne
Birthday: May 3, 1980
Age: 26
Sun Sign: Taurus
Moon Sign: Sagittarius
Chinese Zodiac: Monkey (Born)
Height: 170 cm
Hair Color: Black
Eye Color: Brown
Status: Single
Favorites
Color: Blue
Food: Chicken
Animal: Cat
Anime: Sailormoon
Show: CSI
PJ's: Sweatpants/ T-shirt
Pokemon: Porygon
Website: NHB Radio
My Linux Desktop
Current Moods
Song: Dog's A Best Friend's Dog
Links
Official Sins Of Science Homepage
Space-Kitten.Org
Wing Commander CIC
Tears For Fears
Contact
Email: saturnyne1d@netscape.net
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Saturday, November 16, 2002
2:32 AM If you want to be able to preview my story Entity of Blue before the rest of Moonwings sees it, click here. If you want to see some recent pics of me, click here. I hope you enjoy them.
Monday, November 11, 2002 8:46 PM If you've not seen Michael Moore's Bowling For Columbine, you really should. ESPECIALLY Americans. You owe it to yourself. Yeah okay, sitting there and reading this doesn't count for you seeing the movie. So get off your ass already and do it.
Sunday, November 10, 2002 4:17 AM Lately, I've been poking around Moonwings saying things that will probably lose a lot of popularity points for me. Ready for me to make an excuse? Suck it. The weather has changed drastically in the last few days, so I've ended up sleeping in until about 3 for the last two days. It's a real annoyance, since I'd like to start getting out of bed at noon or earlier. But meh. At least I'm kind of keeping busy. I have one opportunity to check my email each day, and I can get on really late at night when my mom's asleep. Other than that, I get to watch TV or watch my brother play his computer games on his computer. Yahoo. I've more or less decided that I don't want to pursue romantic relationships. While they are nice, it's been proven to me that they're just not in the cards for my future. So three consecutive cheating girlfriends later, I'm throwing in the towel and giving up on the whole love thing. I've decided that there's too much anxiety attached to it, and I'm not in a place right now where I want to sacrifice doing things that I want to do to have fun. For instance, most nights I want to play video games. Well, how the hell much fun am I going to have if I have to worry about whether or not Ms. "Right, at least for the moment" is having fun too? I want to be able to play Pokemon Silver or Front Mission 3 without having to worry about whether the person I'm dating is interested in it or not. But then again, it's not like I'll care once the medication kicks in. Yes, that's right. My stupid psychologist decided that it would be best for me to go on meds. The "whoohoo" from the entry I made stating I wouldn't need them may now be nullified. He's thinking of putting me on Paxil, which is supposed to help calm my anxiety. I'm not looking forward to it at all. Hell, he's not around all the time anyway. Theoretically, I could say I'm taking the stuff and be popping pez or something. I wouldn't do that mind you, but it's a possibility. Just as long as I don't have to be stuck to a medicine bottle all my life. I'd rather die. In any case, this Paxil shit is supposed to help me be calm and collected, which is fine when I think about it. I'll be able to make all sorts of calls without the anxiety I feel beforehand, or approach women for one night stands or what have you. But meh. I'm still not looking forward to it. I've kind of come to liken it to a person in a wheelchair. Someone who can't walk certainly needs the right tools to be able to function, such as a wheelchair and ramps to access buildings and such. But when it comes down to it, they are the ones who get themselves from point A to point B, with no outside help. They live with their disability, and turn their handicaps into handicapabilities. Along this vein, it is an insult that I have to take Paxil. I live with the disability of atrociously disabling anxiety. I can't talk to people, I fail to call people I should, and it prevents me from getting a job, let alone leaving the house. If a person with a wheelchair doesn't have to rely on outside sources to lead a productive life, why can't I learn to live with my disability? It's possible for me to live a productive lifestyle. I've not attempted it yet, but I've never thought about this subject before. I could live, as my psych said, as someone who "lives with anxiety, but doesn't let it get to him". But that's not to be. At the recommendation of the psych, a doctor and my mother, I've just decided to go along with it. Heh... it reminds me of when my psych told me how compliant I am. I really am quite a compliant person. Avoid confrontation. Give me rules, and I'll stick by them. Tell me to do something and I'll do it. Scold me, and I'll think of all the ways I have failed you and try to do better for your sake. It's a big part of why I'm going to be taking Paxil. I just want everyone to shut up and to make them happy. I'll hate every damn minute of it, but meh. I've made my own bed.
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